The Musician's Guide to Avoiding Old-Timey Ailments: How To Not Get Rinderpest

Ahh, Rinderpest. The ancient scourge of cattle, domestic buffalo, and other even-toed ungulates. "But," we hear you say, "I'm a human." Well listen, even though this disease only affected animals, and was declared globally eradicated in 2011, there are still some valuable lessons we can apply to our lives.

1. Don't Lick the T. Okay, you probably wouldn't lick the T, that cozy train-space you share with 384,392 of your best friends on your daily commute. But if you think about it, holding onto the hand-rail or helping yourself into a seat and then eating with your bare hands is sort of akin to licking the doorknob. Rinderpest is spread through direct contact, and it doesn't get much more direct than saliva. We humans tend to hold onto things on the train to avoid falling over, unlike wildebeests who pretty much have it covered with four legs. So remember to wash your hands after riding the T, or after touching anything that seems particularly grimy, with soap and water.

Wildebeests don't need handrails.

2. Cover Your Cough. If there's one thing we know about Rinderpest, it's that it can rip through your nineteenth-century herd of longhorns like a warm knife through butter, and a large part of that is caused by air transmission. When you cough, it's best to do it into your elbow, where little Rinderpest particulate can't worm their way into the rest of the flock. Sneezing or coughing into your hand/hoof carries the risk that you will touch something else, or someone else, and spread the Rinderpest far and wide.

No, you guys, we just talked about this.

3. Don't Share Water. This little tip is also handy for avoiding other, less old-timey illnesses that tend to plague college students (some of which, like meningitis, are serious business). This is also where being human comes in handy, because, unlike antelope, we humans can mostly control our sources of potable water. Since human beings generally function better when hydrated, it's a good practice to start carrying around a reusable bottle with you; you can fill it up at the handy water fountains located all over the College of Fine Arts. And if someone asks you for water out of your own personal drinking vessel, just say "no thanks. I don't want to catch Rinderpest," and then give them the side-eye.

These practices will serve you well as you start the school year, particularly if you are moving from another geographical location, like a migrating giraffe. We all know that a new place means new germs, so although these three tips won't necessarily ensure that you won't get sick at all, they will pretty much guarantee that you won't get Rinderpest (although this is also thanks to Dr. Walter Plowright, who developed the vaccine).